Pre baby prep - books to read

Please excuse a brief digression as I cast my mind back into the months of the pregnancy. When Iris discovered she was pregnant we were overjoyed, but it also raised a single overwhelming question in our minds: What next!?

Iris and I bought a book on the subject. We didn't really know that much about what was going to happen next... so it was time to get informed.  


What to Expect When You're Expecting is a detailed guide to the things that happen along the path of pregnancy. Iris turned to this book on a regular basis.

But while What to Expect When You're Expecting was an excellent resource, it was Kaz Cooke's Up the Duff that Iris chuckled to each night as she read in bed. It is a very amusing book (Kaz Cooke is a comedian) that also contains a great deal of sound advice.   

During the course of the pregnancy we did come across a few other books, but for us, none seemed to replace the two listed above.

And now a confession. I did not read either books. I skimmed through some pages of What to Expect When You're Expecting, but the main way I gained any information from the books was through Iris finding an interesting paragraph and reading it out to me. I admit, my approach was laid back. But my rationale is this:  In 2008 the World Bank estimated that there were 6,692,030,277 people (that's about 6 and a half billion!) in the world. Each of these people was born. Their parents survived!  I estimate that the majority would not have read a book on the subject.  They may have had some advice from family members.  But for the most part they relied on their instincts.  If we rely on instinct, it does get us most of the way.

Books are excellent for sharing experience, and for imparting the wisdom of science - but neither other people's experience or the wisdom of science will get you through the process of having a baby - that is up to you and your partner.     

And now for another confession. During the first week after the birth of our baby, both Iris and I agreed: No books can truly prepare you for this experience!!!!! :-)

Later on, once our baby was born we consulted Baby Love by Robin Barker (I have put a link to the book at Amazon.com below). A doctor friend of mine who'd recently had a baby recommended it to me. It proved to be a very valuable resource - detailing all the answers to baby-related questions that we couldn't answer - and those questions arose very rapidly the day of the birth. 

Baby Love's author Robin Barker is a midwife and the book has been a bestseller in Australia for many years. 

Take what to the hospital???

We had been advised to pack a bag and have it ready to go. In the weeks just before the birth we had solemnly refused to do any such thing. But for some reason, just a day or two before the bubble burst, we had put a bag together.

What was in it?

Pajamas... nice soft flannelette PJs, a little oversized with an elasticated waist. Drawstring waist would have been fine. Nightie would have been fine. In fact, the only thing I can recommend you consider when selecting what to wear in the hospital bed is that whatever you choose will probably end up in countless photos and be sent to people (by zealous email forwarders) who you don't even know... so for the sake of vanity it is probably important that you look good!

Facial creams, tummy butter and so on. Iris loves her potions, and going to hospital is no exception. In fact, it presents perhaps even more of an opportunity. Iris used Loreal Skin Genesis, Aveda Rosemary Mint shampoo and conditioner, and Palmers Cocoa Butter formula for stretch marks - among other things!

We had someone tell us to take a stereo and an ipod. When we first arrived at the hospital I felt like a complete ning nong carrying a portable stereo. But in fact whoever told us to bring a stereo was giving us good advice.  Once Iris was moved up to the antenatal ward, I set up the stereo. The music was very relaxing and provided an important link to home.  During the pregnancy we had played a few CDs quite a bit. One that we really liked was the ABC's Classical Music for Babies - (ABC = Australia Broadcasting Corporation, for anyone outside Australia wondering where that TLA - three letter acronym! - might stand for!)

Food. I recall we took a few snacks - but nothing very serious. The food that was provided by the hospital was fairly low in standard. However, we were fortunate that there were several good food shops nearby the hospital. Our favourite was the pasta shop. But the sushi shop was also excellent (and of course Iris had not eaten raw fish since she found out she was pregnant).

Baby clothes! Don't forget when you come home from the hospital you'll be three (or more!). We had two changes of clothes. They seemed ridiculously large. We also had some spare nappies - both disposable ones that we'd been given and cloth ones that we'd purchased online.

I was able to make a dash home for a few other things that we though we needed over the few days we were in hospital. I was fortunate that the hospital allowed me to stay over each of the four nights we were in. The couch bed was awfully uncomfortable but it was good to be there and I wouldn't have changed it for anything!

Anything else you think you should take? Comment and let me know!  

Baby day and a birthing plan

7am. Iris has not slept. I have had a few hours, but am also feeling rather jaded. A midwife shows us to a room on the ground floor. It is larger than our bedroom at home, and has a shower and bath in the room. Best of all, it is filled with natural light - and it is a gorgeous day already - so it feels just perfect. Iris can't wait to lie down. She is experiencing strange fits of pain and it is becoming more and more intense. About 8 I nip out to grab some coffees for the attending midwife and us. The huge queue in the coffee shop is really annoying, but the coffee hits the spot and we all feel better about the day.  Meanwhile, things are heating up in the delivery room...

Before the birth many people advised us to make a birth plan.  How will this baby be born?  We'd heard some painful stories from people who had very firm ideas about how they wanted the birth to go, only for their plans to be upset on the big day. They suffered as a result, their expectations not met. We decided to take things as they came.  We prepared ourselves for different scenarios, but left our final decision down to the moment that it had to be made. Some people find it difficult to make decisions under pressure. But not Iris or I.

Our ideal birth was a natural one, with as few drugs / interventions involved as possible. However, given our high level access to the wonders of modern medicine we wouldn't rule out the use of anything!  Pragmatic. But why restrict yourself to using only a hammer when you have a full box of tools for the job? To play the devil's advocate, I will tell you why: because once you start getting the other tools out, you find you have to use more and more tools to manage the situation. Might not be true for building, but I think it is for acute medical situations... more on that later. 

In the room, Iris decided she liked the look of the bath. A baby in the bath would be nice. We could call it Flipper! Haha. About an hour later Iris was standing fully clothed, in the shower. She was groaning in agony and telling me to leave her the hell alone. "Just get this baby out of me!" she said. How was I supposed to do that?

By about 11am, Iris was 8 centimetres dilated. Doing very well. The obstetrician came to see Iris, and was impressed. But the pain was becoming too much. Dilation had been fairly fast, but the difficulty was that Iris felt like death warmed up. Her body was pumped full of hormones and adrenaline. But given she had not slept since the night before, exhaustion was taking over. What about an epidural? asked the obstetrician. At first we said no, but later Iris changed her mind, and I supported that decision. The look of pain in her eyes was too great. I felt that if she could just keep going without the epidural it would be over soon, but she basically needed a rest and the epidural would give her that...

baby is awake... have to go... more soon!

The weeks prior to the day of birth

So - the last post was in July 2008... how time flies. The amazing thing is how long ago that feels. It is going to take a large number of retrospective posts to bring things up to date.

And so many babies have been born since... just check this out... http://www.birthcounter.com/
Well, that number represents births since the beginning of time, so a few more than those born since last July.

So back to August 2008... it was unseasonably hot. Iris was feeling more and more like a beached whale, and by September she had reached the point of just wanting it out of her! Patience is a virtue...

Iris, who likes to be prepared, went on a moderate spending spree to get things prepared. A friend gave us their much loved (and well used) cot. We also managed to borrow a nice old cane bassinette. We bought a new mattress for the cot, and a bark filled mini mattress for the bassinette... very important to buy NEW mattresses for each child apparently because of a greater risk of SIDS on old, well used mattresses...

The apartment began to take on a sense of impending new life. We purchased a large number of different types of nappies - from Huggies disposables to Bum Genius, Tots bots, Blueberrys, and the colourful terry towelling nappies by bright bots... a whole post on nappies follows on a later day! Iris stopped working three weeks before the due date.

September 20th. It was hot. Over 35 degrees I recall, and steamy. I had brought home a bunch of DVDs to watch (I was judging for an award ceremony). In the morning we walked around the bay to Bronte beach, had a sandwich and a milkshake, saw some friends and walked home early in the afternoon. We were knackered. And after today, life would never be the same again.

In the afternoon, we lay on the floor of the lounge, watching DVDs and drinking (beer for me, and water for Iris). The heat did not disappate in the evening, and we drifted off to sleep on the floor of the lounge. About 10.40 pm Iris woke up, stood up, and said... "uh oh, something changed." I said, "what is it?" She replied, "I think my waters have broken!" We were scared. "Want to go and check?" I said. She disappeared to the bathroom. Returning a minute later, she said, "Yep, pretty sure my waters have broken." "What should we do?" I said... all the antenatal class advice having completely slipped my mind. Iris found the paperwork from the antenatal class... which said: if your waters break, call the hospital and prepare to go there immediately.

By 11 pm we were in the car, and 20 minutes later we were in the hospital. Iris and I were shown to a small room with a bed, and a midwife came in to check on progress. She strapped a monitor around Iris' middle which registered our baby's heartbeats. The midwife quickly confirmed that Iris' waters had indeed broken. "You're ok. Go home now, and get some sleep. We'll pencil you in to be induced on Monday morning."

"Induced?" we thought... but we were stunned into silence. We knew about induction, but it hadn't crossed our minds that it would happen to us! Anyway, the waters had broken. Wasn't that a good sign? The midwife was gone. We walked (and hobbled) out to the car. On the drive home contractions began to come more quickly.

There was no sleep that night for Iris. She sat on the edge of the bed, moaning about the shooting pain in her lower back. In her sleep deprived state she thought her body was collapsing on the weight of her pregnancy. I on the other hand did sleep a bit. Exactly how much I slept is still a matter of contention, but it was NOT 6 hours. I reckon I had a broken 4 hours. I wanted to stay awake with Iris (in solidarity) but I didn't have those shooting pains keeping me awake. I kept telling her to relax and just sleep like the midwife said, but she told me to fuck off... (no holds barred at 4am).

About 5am Iris begged me to get her some painkillers. We had already ransacked the apartment for paracetamol, and we could only find ONE lousy tablet. So, we weren't that prepared were we. Actually, no one told us that the pain would be this intense (with the best yet to come!) I called the hospital, delerious, and asked if I could pop by and pick up some hardcore painkillers. The hospital staff told me to bring her in, and I replied that she was in too much pain to get in the car. They must have laughed to themselves as they told me again, "Bring her in, we're not a pharmacy and we don't give out drugs!"

At 6am we were driving across town. I took the fastest route I knew. There was little traffic, but as I turned into Moore Park Road I noticed a large LED sign flashing "SYDNEY MARATHON: EXPECT DELAYS." In a moment, we came to a police barricade. I turned left, hoping to outflack it but police were already blocking the next cross roads too. I leaned out the window "My wife is about to have a baby, I need to get through!" The policeman looked at me as if it was some kind of joke. "Not here sorry" "Then how?" I responded. In the movies, the policeman would have offered to escort me through the blockade, sirens blaring, all the way to the hospital. Ha!

He told me to try driving south. In a flash of inspiration I remembered another sign I had seen: "Use Oxford Street." I pulled a u-turn and sped off to follow that hunch. Thankfully I was right, and we made it to the hospital about 20 minutes later.

Iris waited while a midwife checked her progress. She was 5 centimetres dilated. "The good news," said the midwife,"is that you can stay here from now, you don't need to go back home." We sighed thankfully.

It was 6.45 am on 21st September, 2008. It was to be the birthday. The tiny human was coming out 3 days earlier than expected.